Yields about 36 cookies

These trampy holiday cookies are both naughty AND nice because why does it have to be either/or? They’re naughty with buttery, sugary decadence and gaudy, glittery bedazzlements. (Sound like anyone you know?...) And they’re nice because they’re all vegan and ever so tasty. (Again, sound like anyone you know?...) On Christmas Eve, leave these sitting out for Santa, and once he slides down your chimney, he won’t know what to do with you. “Naughty or nice, naughty or nice?” Hey Santa, it doesn’t have to be either/or. Just take me as the multi-dimensional showgirl that I am!

Dough
2 1/2 cups unbleached all-purpose flour, sifted
1 cup vegan buttery spread
2/3 cup sugar
1 1/2 teaspoons Ener-G Egg Replacer
2 tablespoons warm water
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Icing
3/4 cup powdered sugar, sifted
1 tablespoon vegan buttery spread, melted
1 tablespoon plain nondairy milk
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/4 teaspoon freshly squeezed lemon juice
Sugar sprinkles in various colors (optional)

First things first, make your cookie dough. Plan ahead and leave some time to get this going. (Your dough will need to chill for a few hours before rolling and baking).

Combine the egg replacer with the water in a food processor and process until frothy, about 3 minutes. (Alternatively, you can whisk it together in a small bowl.)

Put the sugar and the vegan buttery spread in a large bowl and mix using an electric mixer. Add the vanilla extract and the egg replacer and mix until combined. Add the flour to the wet mixture and mix until small clumps begin to form.

Press the dough into a ball. (The mixture should be moist enough that it will clump together when pressed. If needed, add a small amount of water.)

Wrap the dough ball in plastic wrap and chill for at least 3 hours.

When your dough is ready to be rolled, preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Lightly oil a baking sheet or line it with parchment paper.

Put the dough on a floured surface and roll into a ⅛-inch-thick circle. (I recommend working with half of the dough at a time and baking the cookies in several batches.)

Using cookie cutters of your choice (this is where you could get especially naughty - see example below), cut out the cookies and transfer to the baking sheet. Bake for about 9 minutes or until barely colored and transfer to a cooling rack.

Depending on how many baking sheets you have, you’ll probably need to bake in several batches and the number of cookies you get out of it will depend on the size of your cookie cutters.

Let the cookies cool for at least 30 minutes before decorating.

After the cookies have cooled completely, it’s time to get artsy and craftsy. But don’t try to be too high-falutin about this — the gaudier, the better in my book. Let your inner tramp shine!

Of course you could experiment with any number of adornments, such as food coloring for the icing or sprinkles of all shapes and sizes. Here’s a suggestion for how to make the most basic of trampy Christmas cookies:

For the icing, put the powdered sugar, melted butter, nondairy milk, vanilla extract, and lemon juice in a medium bowl and mix using an electric mixer until smooth.

Now that you’re icing is ready, you have options galore for decorating. You could just schmear the icing over your cookies like the dirty girl that you are, or if you want to do it up extra fancy, plop that sugary goodness in a pastry bag and pipe it onto your cookies in whatever whimsical design suits your questionable taste. Wanna put hot pants on a reindeer or a pleather harness on an angel? Be my guest.

Immediately after icing, sprinkle the colored sugar sprinkles over your cookies in a haphazard fashion, just being sure not to get any lost in your cleavage (unless you really want to).

Once you’re finished decorating, let the cookies sit uncovered for a few hours to allow the icing to set. Store in a tightly sealed container at room temperature and eat them up within one week.

Note for the Novice: Are you wondering where to find cookie decorating equipment and ingredients? Try a craft store, such as Michael’s or JOANN Fabric and Crafts.